Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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