Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
