How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
