I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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