omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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