Don't you send me to vm
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
