he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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