Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I have demons in me.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
