Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
