Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize