It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
