I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
