dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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