I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
