Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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