id be glad to
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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