Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
