Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I don't think brook has ever known best
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
