you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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