last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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