the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
