Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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