you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
