my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
