I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
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It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
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If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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