seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize