I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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