just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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