Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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