Tell her she can't have a vagina
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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