need another drink. this is the easiest way
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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