I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
