Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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