Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
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I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
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I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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