i think my tv is drunk
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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