chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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