What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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