Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
