i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
