yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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