NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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