i think my mom watched the whole time
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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