we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize