mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
