I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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