theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
