on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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