You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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