dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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