im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
