I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
