K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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