matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
