Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I didn't notice because vodka
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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