shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
