I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
