Kareoke will never be a sober sport
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
