I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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