My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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