can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
