Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
