Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
