my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Randomize
