What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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