No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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