Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you never un-have a 4some
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
