I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
