The best revenge is premature balding
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
