i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
