I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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