woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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