We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
