You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
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Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize