In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
